goodbye oh nine....

my thoughts on this past year: bittersweet. i cannot think of anything i would have changed, yet i feel as if a weight has been lifted and i am inhaling clean air for the first time in a long time, with the coming of this new year. looking back on this past year i've realized that i have done a lot of dreaming. as can be expected, most of my thoughts have been occupied one way or another with the prospect of traveling to england. much to my dissapointment, i decided not to spend this spring semester abroad in york. but i cannot help but wonder what it would have been like if i just sucked it up and went. would i be having the time of my life, never wanting to return to the states, or would i mope around, homesick for the bay area, setting up skype dates every waking moment? i guess the underlying conflict i am having is battling between skipping forward a few years when i will be out of school, in my own apartment, and fufilling the career i have been looking forward to for nine years and living in the now, accepting the fact that i am indeed 368 miles away from home and i cannot see my family quite as often as i would like. i have been bouncing the idea in my head of transferring to a school closer to home, but now that i look closer into it its not the absense of azusa i want but a temporary change of scenery. this is what i hope i can look forward to in the new year, a change of this monotinous routine i am in. i think england will provide for me what i am in desperate need of... something to look forward to that will get the ball rolling, hurring up my 2.5 more years i have left at school yet allowing me to take the remainder of my education one step at a time. i really do wish i will be able to make the most of this year, reflecting more on the present than the future. i think that is what my new year's resolution will be. i know this will be a stretch for me seeing how i always contemplate senarios in my head and wonder all the time what will happen if i end up living here? or end up doing this? or marrying this person? this may be a stretch but i am looking forward to this new change in spirit! going hand in hand with living with what i have is the push to be more adventerous. this past semester i have not done much, i have not meet many new people, nor have i gone to new places. i don't know why i am holding back, perhaps it's the thought that my actions now will indefinitly affect my future. what i need to understand is that my future is in god's hands. true, i have the ability to go which ever way i please but in the end, it will be god who has been guiding me all along. i cannot wait to see what this year has in store, not only for me but for the rest of the world. sooo....warm wishes to you and your family this upcoming year!

cheers :)

a few of my favorite people of 2009...